


catch me if I fall

by winterfalconwarrior



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avenger Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hydra (Marvel), I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I promise, I'm so sorry, M/M, Protective Sam Wilson, Sam Wilson Feels, This hurts, Why Did I Write This?, but this is also soft, sam is cap, why did I hurt them that way?, yeah they're still trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 23:37:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19778818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterfalconwarrior/pseuds/winterfalconwarrior
Summary: “It was supposed to be easy and now look where we ended up! None of this should've happened!“They're at the hospital, have been for the last few hours. Sam is still wearing his suit, the shield leaning against a wall.





	catch me if I fall

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back. I kinda abandoned writing for over a month so that's cool, but I'm back and I wrote something sad. I had a dream about this and I love sharing pain, that's why you have to read it now too. I'm sorry, but also not really since it doesn't end sad. anyway! I wanna thank leaf for beta reading, she was doing the lord's work here. there's nothing else I have to say, so I'm just gonna leave you to it.

“It was supposed to be an easy mission, go in, get information, kick some ass and get out!“ Sam is yelling. Fury is standing in front of him, looking unimpressed, while Maria Hill shoots a worried look at Sam. There are tears in Sam's eyes, but he won't let himself cry. Not in front of Fury.

“Sam“, Maria starts, but he doesn't even look at her.

“It was supposed to be easy and now look where we ended up! None of this should've happened!“

They're at the hospital, have been for the last few hours. Sam is still wearing his suit, the shield leaning against a wall.

Sam opens his mouth again, when the doctor walks out of the room. Sam looks up, eyes focused on the older man with the calming smile.

“Mr. Wilson,” he starts, extending his hand. Sam takes it, shakes it for a moment, grounds himself.

“How is he?” Sam asks, voice barely a whisper.

“Stable,” the doctor says. Sam nods. That's more than he'd dared to hope for.

“You should go see him,” Maria says. The doctor smiles at him, warm and calm and Sam turns to face the door. He looks over his shoulder to glare at Fury, before he pushes the door open. He walks into the room, closes the door behind him. He hates hospitals. Last time he had to visit one was when Steve nearly drowned, after he fell from the helicarrier. The time before, Sam wasn't that lucky. Riley fell and all Sam could do was watch. Riley never even made it to a room at the hospital, bones crashed when he'd hit the ground, the impact killing him right on the spot. Sam shakes his head. The room is bright, too bright, the white walls nearly blinding. He ignores all the machines around the bed, doesn't want to look at the monitor that shows that the heart of the one laying in the bed is still beating. Chairs at a hospital never seem to be inviting, this one isn't an exception. Sam drops down, buries his head in his hands. He's shaking, the adrenaline and all the anger leaving his body, leaving him behind with anxiety and fear. He lets himself cry, now that he's alone.

“I'm so sorry, Bucky,” he says between sobs, looking at the man in the bed, “I'm sorry. I'm sorry for saying it's gonna be easy. I failed you. This shouldn't have happened, it's my fault that you're here. You have to come back to me, you have to. I love you, I can't lose you too, not now, not ever.”

Bucky doesn't respond, of course he doesn't. Sam doesn't dare to take Bucky's hand, to find comfort in the other man. He's exhausted, he wants to cuddle up next to Bucky at home on their bed but he can't.

Sam falls asleep on the hospital chair, his head falling from his hands onto the bed next to Bucky's leg.

* * *

“It's an easy mission, you go in, get information, kick some ass and get out,” Fury says, nodding at Bucky and Sam. The screen in front of them shows the building where the remains of Hydra are keeping their information.

“Are you sure that it's gonna be easy?” Bucky says, squinting at the screen, “it's Hydra after all.”

“We're gonna be fine, Bucky,” Sam laughs, “it's not like there's a lot of Hydra left. And we work pretty good together, it's gonna be easy.”

Fury nods, “anything else, Barnes?,” he asks. Bucky shakes his head.

“You're starting tomorrow,” Fury says, “we'll get you two there and wait until you come back. It shouldn't take long, it's an easy mission.”

* * *

The car ride home is silent. Sam is driving, Bucky is just staring out of the window.

“What's on your mind?” Sam asks. Normally, Bucky would sing along to the radio or tell Sam about the new show he just started to watch.

“I'm just worried, Sammy,” Bucky answers, staring down at his hands. He's wringing his fingers together, a nervous gesture, “maybe it's because it's Hydra. It can't be easy, it never is. Something's gonna happen and if I can't make sure that you stay save-”

“Hey,” Sam says, putting one hand on top of Bucky's, “we're gonna be fine. Both of us. Nothing's gonna happen. I'll keep you safe, you're gonna look out for me, it's gonna be okay.”

Bucky looks at their hands, laces their fingers together.

“Okay,” he says, more to himself than to Sam.

* * *

When Maria comes to pick them up the next morning, Bucky looks scared. He still suits up, as he always does. Sam doesn't know what to do. He smiles at Bucky, a shy, little smile. Bucky doesn't smile back. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe Bucky is right. They stop a few streets away from the building and Bucky gets out of the car before Maria can even open her mouth. She turns to look at Sam.

“Are you sure that you two are gonna be okay?” she asks, her face full of concern. They both look at Bucky, who's pacing in a small circle next to the car, hands behind his back, “I'm sure we can get other people to manage this.”

“We'll be fine,” Sam answers, but he's not so sure, “it's no big deal. I'll handle it.”

Maria looks worried when Sam gets out of the car. He steps up next to Bucky, stands in his way. Bucky stops, looks up.

“You don't have to back me up, Bucky. I can do this alone if this scares you. I don't want to put you in a situation where you're not really there, because that already sounds like someone is gonna get hurt,” Sam says, a small, reassuring smile on his lips. But while his mouth tells Bucky that Sam is fine and can go alone, Sam's eyes tell him how worried Sam is. Maybe even scared.

“I can't let you run into Hydra's arms by yourself, Sammy,” Bucky answers, voice soft and low, “I have your back. Always.”

Sam knows that this is a promise to him, but also to Bucky himself. So he nods, waves at Maria and they start walking towards the building.

Go in, get information, kick some ass and get out.

* * *

There is no alarm when they sneak into the building, which is already a bad sign. They round the corner and find the stairs. They stay close to each other, Bucky always right behind Sam. Sam points at a closed door. He tries to open it, but it's locked. Bucky points at the door a few steps away, but Sam wants to get into the first room.

“You gonna be okay on your own for a second?” Bucky whispers.

“I'm sure I can handle myself,” Sam answers.

Bucky makes his way to the other door, picks the lock while Sam does the same to his door. Bucky is faster than him, disappears into the room. Sam gets his door open a second later. And gets pulled inside. Someone hits him in the back of his head, making his vision blurry. He falls to his knees, cursing himself for not being more careful. Bucky told him that this could be dangerous. They pull him back and he struggles against them, tries to get free. His head is pounding, he feels like he's gonna throw up. They pull him to the end of the room. There's two of them. Sam tries to find a way out of the situation, but the whole room is spinning.

“I don't know if he's alone,” one of them says.

“Well, ask him, then,” the other one says.

The first guy kneels down in front of him, puts a hand under Sam's chin to get him to look at him.

“If it isn't the great Captain America,” he says and smiles. His face is close to Sam's, too close and Sam wants to pull back, but he can't.

“Where is your sidekick?” the guy asks.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Sam spits out, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

“Liar. Rogers came and stole our soldier and now you've got the job and our soldier followed you like it's the only thing he knows. So, where is he? We want him back,” he's speaking loud, nearly yelling and Sam's ears ring. He opens his mouth to answer when he hears a gunshot. The other guy next to them falls, hits the floor. The guy still in front of him stills, but grins, his hand gripping Sam's jaw so tight that Sam's sure it's gonna bruise.

“Let him go,” Bucky says from behind them. The guy smiles, “Why would I do that?”

“You want me anyway, don't you? So, I'm right here, let him go,” Bucky answers, voice calm. Sam looks over the Hydra guy's shoulder. Bucky stares at them without any emotion on his face, but Sam knows him, knows the guy behind the Winter Soldier. And Bucky is terrified. Sam tries to smile, to reassure Bucky that he's here, he's fine, they're gonna make it out alive, both of them.

Hydra guy turns, lifts his arm and puts a gun to Sam's head.

“You come one step closer and it's over for your captain”, he says, still smiling. Sam hates that the guy thinks he can win in this situation, because right now it looks like he can. Bucky doesn't move. They stand there, staring at each other, Sam still on his knees, the gun pressed to his head. Sam closes his eyes for a moment, willing his head to stop hurting, willing the room to stop spinning. When he opens his eyes again, Bucky looks at him. Sam nods, a small thing. He knows how he's gonna get out of this.

“If you shoot him, the world loses Captain America and you got nothing. But if you let him go and take me with you, you win your Winter Soldier back,” Bucky says while Sam slowly lifts his hand to the hand that is holding the gun to his head.

“But if I shoot him and then take you with me, the world loses Captain America and there is no one who's going to save you,” the Hydra guy answers. That's enough. Sam pulls at the arm, pulls the gun away from his face. There's a shot, but it misses him and Sam pulls himself free, knocks the gun out of the guy’s hand. As soon as Sam is free, Bucky starts running. He runs into the guy with full force. The guy stumbles back and into the window. The glass shatters under the weight of him. They're free. Sam looks up at Bucky, glad that they're both okay and they can go home now, cuddle up on the bed and forget about this, but it's never that easy, is it?

The Hydra guy grabs Bucky's arm before he falls. Grabs at Bucky and Bucky is pulled back, too shocked to react. And then they both fall.

Sam is frozen on the spot for a moment, watches as they trip over the edge. Then he gets up, runs to the window.

“Bucky!” a scream, ripped from his chest.

Bucky smiles at him, mouths a “sorry”, before they both hit the ground. Sam stares. He feels sick. The impact rips the two of the apart, the Hydra guy hits the ground first, Bucky on top of him, but falling to the ground too, landing next to the other guy. It's disgusting, there's a loud crack and then there's so much blood and Sam shouldn't look, but he can't tear his eyes away. Bucky, his Bucky, fell and he couldn't catch him. He sinks to the ground, knees pressed against his chest, face resting on his knees. He sobs. Pictures flash in front of his eyes, Riley falling, hitting the ground. The scream he'd let out, loud and so, so scared. And Sam could do nothing but watch. He'd sworn after that that he'd never let anyone else fall again, never. But they told him that the mission was easy, go in, get information, kick some ass and get out. He didn't think that he'd need his wings for that. And now Bucky fell and it's his fault and he couldn't catch the one he loves more than anyone else again.

When he gets up, his eyes are red and his knees feel weak, but Sam manages to get downstairs. The area is full with police and there's an ambulance nearby, but Sam doesn't want to look. He couldn't catch him.

Maria walks up to him, takes his hand, pulls him away from the scene. He stumbles behind her, lets himself get guided away. She makes him sit in the car again and gets in the driver's seat. He doesn't look at her, eyes on the road, doesn't talk. She doesn't ask him to. He doesn't even know where they're going, Bucky fell and why are they going so fast, where are they going so fast?

“Are you gonna make me write a mission report?” he asks and his voice breaks.

“No,” she answers, eyes on the road and she's going so fast, he should be scared, but he doesn't care, “we're going to the hospital.”

“Why?” he asks. No one survives a fall like that, he knows.

“Because you're bleeding,” she says, voice soft and oh right, he got hit in the head before-

They stop at the hospital and she gets him out of the car, leads him inside. He doesn't listen to what everyone says, something about shock and panic attack and big head wound. He lets them clean the wound he got from getting hit, lets them check over his jaw. It doesn’t matter. He’s fine, or he will be, but that doesn’t make him feel any better. One of the nurses walks up to him.

“Mr. Wilson,” she says, smile warm and eyes soft, “he's gonna pull through.”

“Who?” Sam asks.

“Mr. Barnes,” she answers, now a questioning look on her face, “did no one tell you that he's here?”

“No?” Sam says and there are tears in his eyes now, because Bucky is here and he's gonna pull through.

“They brought him here before you arrived. It was a hard fall, but because he has the serum and the other guy cushioned his fall, chances are high that he's going to make it. I'm sure you can talk to a doctor later when he's in his room,” she says, “I'm sorry that no one informed you about this.”

“It's fine, thank you for telling me,” he says and she nods.

He lets the tears fall then, sinking in on himself. Bucky is going to make it.

* * *

Sam wakes up to a hand on his shoulder. He shoots up in his chair just to close his eyes again because his head hurts too much.

“hey, easy sweetheart,” a voice says and Sam is so relieved, he might cry. He opens his eyes again, letting them adjust to the bright room. His eyes focus on Bucky, who's smiling at him.

“Hey,” Sam says and Bucky tries to pull him closer but Sam can't just lay down with him when he's the reason Bucky is here in the first place, can he?

“None of that, you hear me?” Bucky says, “you need to rest too. you need to heal. I know you’re already thinking about this being your fault when it really isn’t. come here.”

Sam lets himself be pulled onto the bed next to Bucky, not because he thinks that Bucky is right but because he’s so tired. He rolls onto his side, cupping Bucky’s face with his hands.

“Sorry,” he says and he’s not even sure what he’s sorry for the most. For taking Bucky onto this mission? For letting Bucky fall? For thinking that it’s his fault?

“No I’m sorry,” Bucky says, “that wasn’t a good move. I was scared, you know? I thought he was gonna kill you, I overreacted. it’s not your fault that I fell. I’m so sorry for getting you worried.”

“I love you,” Sam says and god, he knows Bucky can hear him and he knows that it’s the first time that he’s said it out loud while Bucky can actually hear him and he really wanted this to be romantic and special, yet here he is.

Bucky looks at him, the smile on his face growing bigger and bigger.

“I love you too,” he says and then he pulls Sam down and Sam thought he’d never get to kiss Bucky again but here he is, in a hospital bed right beside him and the lights are too bright and the bed is too small and Sam really doesn’t care because Bucky is kissing him and he loves this man so much it hurts.

They part and Bucky looks at Sam with so much love in his eyes, Sam has to hide his face in Bucky’s neck before it gets overwhelming. 

“You think we can go home soon?” Sam asks from the crook of Bucky’s neck.

“I don’t know,” Bucky says.

“I wanna go home, I wanted to cuddle up to you on the bed, like, yesterday,” Sam tells him.

The doctor walks in an hour later, tells them that they can leave in two days if Sam gets enough rest, then he winks at Bucky.

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell you to get rest,” Sam complains.

“That’s because he knows that I can rest and also because I’m healing way faster than you,” Bucky grins and puts an arm around Sam’s waist.

* * *

Maria is picking them up. They both get onto the backseat, Sam pressing close to Bucky. She smiles at them through the mirror. Sam is glad that she picked them up, not wanting to get a cab and just wanting to get home so he can finally get into their bed and cuddle up to Bucky without fearing that he’s gonna fall any second. He misses their home. Misses the walls they painted themselves that are not bright white and hurt your eyes. Misses their bed with all the blankets and pillows that Bucky insisted on buying and who is Sam to say no if his boyfriend wants six fluffy blankets. He misses being left alone and not having a doctor or a nurse around them all the time. He simply misses home.

When they finally arrive, Bucky closes the door just to get pushed against it. Sam is right in front of him, caging him in, one hand on either side of Bucky.

“I love you”, he says and kisses Bucky’s cheek. He repeats it over and over, kissing all over Bucky’s face until Bucky pulls him back, laughing.

“I love you too”, he says, soft and low and kisses Sam with all the love and adoration he can put in one kiss.

Sam melts against him until Bucky lifts him up.

“I can walk, you know?”, Sam says but doesn’t make a move to actually get down. He wraps his legs around Bucky’s waist and moves his arms to rest around Bucky’s neck.

“I know”, Bucky says, walking them over to their bedroom. He lays Sam down on the bed and steps back. “God, look at you” Bucky says as if Sam in Sweatpants and one of Bucky’s shirts is the best thing he’s ever seen, “I’m so lucky.”

“I don’t know about that”, Sam answers, but keeps his eyes fixed on Bucky’s. Bucky laughs. “I do”, he says and climbs onto the bed, his legs on either side of Sam’s. He leans down, kisses Sam again, slow and lazy and easy and it just feels like home. Sam gets a little bit lost in it. When they part, Bucky looks down at him.

“You wanna take a nap?” he asks. Sam thinks about it and comes to the conclusion that he could actually need one.

“Yeah,” Sam answers. They arrange themselves until they’re comfortable, Bucky cuddled close to Sam, his back to Sam’s chest. Sam’s hand rests over Bucky’s heart, as if he has to make sure that Bucky is actually there and alive. Bucky’s hand rests over Sam’s.

“I’m safe, sweetheart”, Bucky tells him like he knows what Sam is thinking.

“I know baby, I know”, Sam answers, willing himself to relax.

I love you”, Bucky says before his breathing evens out.

Sam is the luckiest man in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! yell at me in the comments if you have to. I'm kinda working on something bigger at the moment but I also have an au on twitter going on (I'm gonna link it here in case you wanna see what I'm talking about: [au](https://twitter.com/faIconswinter/status/1135194773659226114?s=20)  
> )  
> so I can't really say when this next thing is gonna happen or if it's even gonna happen. I hope you enjoyed reading this! until next time!


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